Jay (infokiller) wrote,

September 5th, 2004, 05:21 pm

September 5th, 2004, 05:21 pm


Well we all had the day off today because of the mission cycle change over. The guys are going out a 0100 but its my day off so i get a extra long day off. Thats all good but kind of sucks at the same time because i'm rather bored and there isn't really much to do. I'm working on writting some letters right now, i have one made out to Ashley and i'm working on one to Christi. I need to e-mail my friends back home, i feel as if i'm growing apart for them, which is to be assumed because as there lifes move on, my life stays the same here in Iraq. I don't even know what i want to do in the army, i know i want to go back and try college again but i really don't know what i want to be. I guess i want to be a bass player in a rock band but i need a back up plan as well. Rob is still planning on moving to Indiana, hell maybe we will stay there for a while and i'll end up in Cali, i'm just going with the flow at this point in time. All i know is everything i know is wrong.

Here is a post from 12 years ago.  Not all that dramatic as some will be but it is interesting to see that I still have some of the same problems.  Boredom has always caused my mind to wonder into dark areas of my own conciseness.  It’s during these times I tend to dwell on mistakes I have made and fall into a cycle of depression.  I can recognize that now and pull myself out most of the time. 

I don't speak to Ashley or Christi anymore.  Not to get into too much details about people's personal lives but Ashely's family and I continued to have conflicts, we basically all avoid each other now and it’s for the good.  No more stress on me.  Christi on the other hand I cut communications off with her about six years ago.  It was over some stupid reason and a lot of it had to do with my jealous nature but we both wanted different things out of life so moving on was for the best.  I do still think about her now and then; I hope she is doing well.

Rob moving to Indiana?  Yeah right, what was I thinking.  It would have been nice to have some lost boys here with me in the state but considering I’m still trying to get out, I could never blame them for not wanting to move here.  Rob did visit me about a year ago in Indy though.  It was a good time.

I ended this with "all I know is everything I know is wrong" and I’m happy to say that it was for the most part.  It was true that I didn't know what I wanted to be but I have figured that out and I’m currently 4 semesters away from being the first person in my immediate family of earning a bachelor’s degree.

I still want to be a bass player in a rock band...

Tags: college, future, goals, old friends, past, reflection, update
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Congrats on being so close to your bachelor's degree! I haven't gone to college, mainly b/c of my issue w/ numbers + understanding them. Dyslexia of numbers is no bueno.

I say don't give up on the dream. Just keep trying at it, keep practicing until you think you're ready to take on a bigger project outside of honing your skills :)